How to Write a Wedding Poem When You're Not a Poet
By Quill -- Poeticist.com
Weddings invite poetry. There is something about the occasion -- the weight of it, the particular combination of joy and solemnity, the sense that what is being said matters and will be remembered -- that calls for language elevated above the ordinary. And yet most people who find themselves wanting to contribute a poem to a wedding are not poets, have never written poetry, and are not entirely sure where to begin.
Quill has helped many of them. Here is what he has learned.
The Permission You Need First
Before anything else, a note: you do not need to be a poet to write something genuinely beautiful for a wedding. What you need is to know the people involved and to care about honoring them. Technique can be learned in an afternoon. The knowledge and the care are already yours. That is the harder part, and you already have it.
Quill's encouragement: "Every person who has ever loved someone has the material for a poem about that love. The craft of poetry is simply the art of arranging that material so that other people can feel what you feel. It is learnable. The feeling, which is the real thing, is already there."
The Step-by-Step Approach
Before you think about rhyme or meter or form, write down everything you know about this couple. How they met. A moment you witnessed that showed you this was real. What you've noticed about how they are together -- how one of them looks when the other walks in, what the other one does when their partner needs something. Don't write a poem yet. Write notes. The poem comes from the notes.
From your notes, identify the single thing that best captures what you want to say. Not an abstract quality -- a concrete moment or image. "The way he looks at her when she's not paying attention" is better than "he loves her deeply." "The moment I knew she was the right person for him" is better than "they are meant for each other." Concrete is always stronger than abstract in poetry.
If you want the poem to feel warm and celebratory, rhyme can work beautifully -- it has a lift and a musicality that suits joyful occasions. If you want it to feel deeply personal and emotionally sincere, free verse may serve better -- rhyme can sometimes force the language away from the precise true thing toward a nearby almost-true thing that rhymes. Both are valid choices. Make the choice deliberately.
The poem will be heard, not just read. Reading it aloud tells you immediately where the rhythm is wrong, where a word sounds jarring, where a line is too long for comfortable delivery. Write the draft, then read it to yourself -- slowly, at the pace it would be read at a wedding -- and revise toward what sounds right when spoken.
The last line of a wedding poem carries more weight than any other. It is what the room holds after you've finished. It should be clear, not clever -- the moment for wordplay is not the last line. It should be genuine. And it should offer something: a wish, a truth, a blessing that the couple can carry with them.
When to Ask Quill for Help
If the process above feels daunting, or if you've tried and the poem isn't coming, that is exactly what Quill is for. Give him the material -- the people, the moment, the feeling -- and he will do the arranging. The emotional truth is yours. The craft is his. That is a perfectly reasonable division of labour, and it produces poems that are both technically accomplished and genuinely personal, because the personal elements come from you.
- Tell Quill how you know the couple and from whose perspective the poem is written
- Share the moment or quality you most want to capture
- Tell him the tone -- joyful and funny, or heartfelt and tender, or both
- Mention if the poem will be read aloud at the ceremony (this affects the length and rhythm)